What I Learned in Therapy

Welcome to your meditation on Alia,

and let's begin our meditation by arriving

Wherever you are.

Seated lying down, standing, driving.

Maybe you're at the grocery store.

Let yourself arrive.

Let your body soften toward gravity

if you are not driving.

Close your eyes just for a moment

and let yourself arrive.

I am here in my body in
this particular location.

Today is Monday.

It's 1230.

I'm hungry.

These are the sorts of things
I'm asking you to notice so that

you can arrive fully as you are,

and once you have arrived,

take your awareness to your breath.

I am not gonna ask you to change
it because the way that you breathe

is a signal to what you need.

So just notice and

listen for the signal
living in your breath.

Spa is a Sanskrit word
that means self-study,

self-inquiry,

self curiosity,

and I'll invite you to notice
that it's not self-judgment.

It's not self-policing.

It is not self-limiting.

In fact, it is the opposite.

It is the art of witnessing the self

witnessing through the lens of
clarity and curiosity, the way we

might study a sacred text In fact.

If you've ever opened your
favorite text and found yourself

swimming into the pages,

wanting more hungry for more,

this is the attention that I'm asking
you to give to yourself right now.

I am not here to change you.

I am here to help you meet yourself,

so let's bring your awareness
to that space around your heart.

Just notice what is living there today.

What emotions are present
in your heart space?

And maybe they're quiet,

maybe they're heavy,

maybe they're unknown, unfound.

Undiscovered.

So just listen quietly for any grief,

for hope,

for joy,

or a sense of nothing at all,

whatever is there.

Witness it.

And then begin to deepen
your breath just a bit

inhaling and exhaling slowly giving a
signal to the body that you are listening.

This is a signal that you can give
anyone that you are listening to them.

By slowing the breath, we
bring our consciousness to

what is right in front of us.

Now let's turn inward.

The body has arrived, the breath
is slow, and you've observed

what your heart is holding.

We will begin with
questions that open doors,

and there is no pressure to
answer these quickly or clearly.

You don't need to explain yourself.

Just allow the questions
to echo in the body.,

Let what rises rise.

Your first question is this,

who am I performing for?

Even in silence,

what part of me is still trying
to be good rather than whole?

The second question to sit with

is, what part of me have I exiled
because it was inconvenient to others.

What emotion or truth has been
hidden beneath the surface?

Waiting for permission to speak.

The third question is.

Where am I still living from a wound?

Where does my behavior still come
from the past instead of the present?

As you consider these questions,
I imagine as you consider these

questions, imagine yourself
seated in front of a large mirror.

Not the kind of mirror that
reflects appearance, but the

kind that reflects essence.

The mirror shows not who you
pretend to be, but who you already

are beneath the roles, beneath the
patterns, beneath the belief systems.

Beneath the systemic,

beneath the systemic
construction of who you are.

Let yourself breathe this essence.

This is being with the
truth of who you are.

No fixing, no escaping,
just seeing and staying.

If you can

bring to mind a part of yourself that
has suffered in silence maybe for years.

A part of you that was ignored,
punished, forgotten, misunderstood.

Bring this part gently
into the present moment.

Let this wound sit beside you.

What do they need to know now?

What does this wound want to say

and what would you say to the wound

if you can place your hand on your heart?

And let the breath deepen again,

inhaling and exhaling very slowly.

Feel the warmth of your own essence

and repeat to yourself.

I see you.

I hear you.

I will not.

Abandon you.

This is the practice of

to study the self in order to understand
not correct to befriend yourself.

To witness your own inner world as sacred
ground to become your own safe space.

Now bring your attention
to your breath again,

with each inhale, imagining
walking into your home.

And with each exhale a soft
offering of what you no longer need.

Now bring your attention to your breath.

Again,

imagine each inhale is your arrival

and each exhale.

And offering back to the world
of what you no longer need.

Breathe into the space behind your
eyes, the seat of your intuition.

Breathe into the base of your
spine, the seat of your grounding.

You are here fully here.

As we begin to close together today,

ask yourself one final question

and it doesn't need answering today,

But I invite you to return
back to this question.

What part of myself is ready to return?

What part is ready to be
welcomed back into wholeness?

Let your body receive the question.

Let your breath respond for you.

Take a big inhale with me.

Listen.

Exhale, release

and bring your attention back
to the space you're in, your

body, your seat, your presence.

If your eyes are closed,
let them gently open.

Feel your feet or your
spine against the ground.

Feel the warmth of your own aliveness
because there will be a day when you

won't have that warmth of aliveness.

You have practiced fatia, not as an idea,

but as a healing gesture to yourself.

You have studied, you have stayed,
and let that be enough for now.

May you continue to study yourself the
way you would study something sacred

because you are.