What I Learned in Therapy

Hey, welcome back to what I
learned in therapy with me.

Jamie Lang.

So it's been a minute since I've dropped
a podcast, I went on a road trip.

I've had some technical difficulties.

I'm still learning and growing
into this podcast role.

And it's.

Intimidating.

But it's also really fun but
it will be a bit sporadic.

I admit.

Until I get it all figured
out, but I'm not going to quit.

We've had more than 10 days
of 100 degrees or more.

Sometimes getting up to 1 0 2, 1
to three, one day it was 1 0 8.

We have a break right now, but the
temperatures are ticking up as I speak.

And by the weekend, We'll
be back up to 1 0 6.

And listen, I can handle
the heat it's summer.

But what's been really hard.

Is the political
situation in this country.

And today I'm going to talk
a little bit about that.

This is not a political podcast.

But I am an advocate and an ally.

For many groups.

And I am a woman.

And I stand for my rights.

And I've been desperately trying
to find a way to tell a story.

That can show us all.

Oh way to do it better.

And I've been struggling.

And so today I'm going to tell you a
story that somehow came together and.

I'm not sure if it makes any sense.

But we're going to give it a go.

It's a buckle in.

But before we get started, I want
to remind you that I'm a licensed

clinical professional counselor.

I am also a 500 hour
registered yoga teacher.

I have my own psychotherapy,
private practice.

And I also own a healing
center called the Balt.

My private practice
lives inside the vault.

What I mean by that is I have
a little yoga studio and then

off the studio, I have my own.

Office.

And then also like a changing room
and where I put equipment, et cetera.

And the office, I do traditional
talk therapy, but I also

do EMDR therapy, et cetera.

But what I think is the most
effective is when I bring my

clients out into the vault.

And get there.

Bodies into the healing.

Doing breath, work,
somatic work, yoga therapy.

It's pretty amazing.

Once you put the body into your healing.

I also host retreats at the vault.

Where women come and we commune
and the beauty of being women.

We study.

Buddhist philosophy and yoga philosophy
in order to be kind and compassionate

and loving to ourselves first and
foremost, so that we can walk out into

the world and be the leaders that we need.

And be kind and compassionate
to those in the wild.

If you'd like to know more about
what's going on over at the vault,

you can cruise over to the website.

It's www dot the vault yoga community.

love.com.

It's a mouthful, but it symbolizes
everything that we do here.

You can also check out the yummy
things we have on the Patrion account.

It's patrion.com/what
I learned in therapy.

I'm going to have all of
these links in the show notes.

Um, so don't worry about writing
anything down, but if you cruise

over there, you can join for free.

And get how to start therapy document.

There are also other levels.

Of membership.

Where you can get meditations and
other documents that reflect some

of the concepts and phenomena
and philosophies I share here.

You can also have access to
extended episodes as well as

opportunities to working with me
one-on-one or in a group setting.

So cruise on over there.

Get yourself situated.

And now let's get going.

Recently, I went out
to dinner with my son.

He's 19 and he finished his
first year of college in may.

I miss him like crazy when he's gone.

So when he's here, I want to soak up
every minute I can, without pressuring

him to give me all of his time.

My husband plays golf on Thursday nights.

So a few weeks ago, I asked my son,
Hey, do you want to go out to dinner?

Just the two of us.

He said yes.

.

We discussed meeting at the
restaurant, but I suggested

coming home and picking him up.

I crossed my fingers.

He would consent so I
can get every second.

The last nine months of my life
have taught me a very unique feeling

of missing someone more deeply
than I could've ever imagined.

Synchronized with this
very, very unique behavior.

I've letting him go.

Not reaching for him to Sue.

That longing and me.

Because what I know now, is,
he is the knower of him.

I am just along for the ride.

It is the closest thing to
the sublime I have ever felt.

I scooped him up at our house
and listened to each word.

He spoke on the short one mile drive.

To the restaurant.

At our table, he started talking
about his favorite subject.

Baseball.

His eyes light up as the enemy, his body
with the joy he experiences in the game.

Every time he talks about baseball.

I am honored to experience
this love embodied in him.

He plays in college.

He is a pitcher only a PO.

That means he doesn't play
anywhere else, but on the mound.

It is a very intense position.

There's very little give.

It requires a great deal of steadiness and
steadfastness and the body and the mind.

He must apply a great deal of
knowledge to the nuance of strength.

Force and accuracy.

While remaining calm.

And trusting the body.

And he's done a great job
of getting himself prepared.

And all the ways necessary for this job.

It's amazing to watch.

As he slowed his cadence.

The story coming to an end.

He paused.

I asked.

Hey, Cosmo.

What does baseball teach you about life?

He laughed.

He said, well, that's a very big question.

But I think he's used to these from me.

He sat considering.

He looked at me, there was big blue eyes.

And said.

When we walk into the field,
we're all baseball players.

No matter how different we are.

We are all here.

To achieve the same goal.

That's what baseball teaches me.

About life.

I didn't know what to say.

As I mentioned.

At the top of this podcast.

I've been trying to understand
how we're going to get through

the divisiveness in this country.

And there is this boy
sitting across from me.

Not a boy, this young man, this man.

Sitting across from me.

I've been trying to put baseball.

The political world.

History.

And Buddhism together to tell one story.

And suddenly it was right in front of me.

Baseball and the civil war have a
very significant relationship in

the history of the United States.

During the civil war, soldiers
from different parts of the

country were brought together.

Many of them were introduced to
baseball through their fellow soldiers.

Union soldiers in particular.

Played the game in their
camps during downtime.

It served as a morale booster for the
troops providing necessary diversions

from the grim realities of war.

It also offered a sense
of normalcy and comradery.

Soldiers from both the union and
the Confederate armies found solace.

And enjoyment.

And playing the very same game.

And although they did not
compete against each other.

Or if they did, it's not.

Well-recorded in history.

Both groups.

Found solace.

Playing the very same game.

After the war.

Returning soldiers brought the game
of baseball back to their communities.

The game.

A source of comfort and entertainment.

During times of suffering.

Became an increasingly popular
sport across the nation.

During this post-war period.

Baseball clubs emerged across the country.

And it became a symbol of
American unity and resilience.

Just as the country was beginning to
heal from the divisions of the civil war.

Baseball emerged as a national pastime.

Bringing people together.

Transcending regional and
political differences.

Photos, diaries and letters
from the civil war era.

Often mentioned baseball.

Providing historians with
valuable insights into the

game's role during the war.

These documents.

Show how deeply baseball was woven
into the fabric of people fighting

for the freedom of this country.

The civil war helped to cement
baseball's place in American culture.

, this relationship between the civil
war and baseball is a Testament to

how sports can influence and reflect.

Broader social and historical contexts.

While baseball did not directly
unite the north and south.

And a political and military sense.

It played an important role and
fostering a sense of community.

Providing moments of joy and
connection and laying the groundwork.

For post-war unity.

The games ability to
bring people together.

Both during and after the war.

Helped it become an enduring
symbol of America's culture.

A unifying force in the world.

A few days before I took my son.

Out to dinner.

As mentioned earlier.

I was at one of his games.

It was 103 degrees.

My son was on the mound pitching.

And he was pitching well.

As I mentioned, his job is very demanding.

He must throw a ball, weighing about five
ounces and throw it 60 and a half feet.

Into a ridiculously
undefinable strikes on.

He must rely on his knowledge.

And trust the wisdom and his body.

An equally as important.

He must also rely on
his teammates knowledge.

And wisdom.

To back him up.

He threw a pitch.

The umpire yelled strike.

And I said to myself, yes.

And just across the way.

Uh, man rooting for the other team.

Shout at oh no, that's a ball.

That was definitely a ball.

His tone was angry.

And then he began heckling the empire.

I noticed.

The discomfort in my body.

The same discomfort that
has been suffocating me.

Shortly thereafter, the getting flipped.

The other team is on the mound.

And the pitcher was pitching well.

He threw the ball.

The empire called strike.

And the man the same
man, just across the way.

I said yes.

And inside of me, I was
thinking, oh no, that's evolve.

That's definitely a ball.

And my silent disagreement
with the umpire.

I looked over at the man.

And he gave me a look of vitriol.

There again, the discomfort.

I felt it in my bones,
. Divisiveness and fear.

This divisiveness is no longer
contained to legislative sessions.

Where in leaders are debating about
policies for the betterment of us all.

Rather it is transcending the boundaries
of time and space, even into baseball

parks, where young men are there
showing us how to work together.

How to be on the same team,
how to see past differences

and work for the greater good.

I closed my eyes.

And put my head back.

Inviting the universe to
show me the wisdom calling

out from the baseball field.

Pulled out my journal and waited.

I watched the ending flip again.

Cosmo back on the mound.

His teammates taking their
positions on the field.

To back him up.

There they were.

All for one.

And one for all.

I continued to watch the rest of
the inning, like an anthropologist.

And here's what I learned.

There are nine defensive
positions on the field.

Each with specific responsibilities
and areas they cover.

Here's a little breakdown.

Of who they back up.

The pitcher covers Bunce
fields, ground balls.

And backs up throws to all
basis, particularly Homebase.

The catcher fields buns,
and pop-ups near home plate.

Throws to basis to prevent steals and
backs up infielders on pickoff attempts.

The first baseman backs up throws
from the pitcher and the catcher.

And fields pop-ups and
fly balls near first base.

Second base backs up the first baseman.

And the shortstop.

Third base backs up the
shortstop, the catcher.

And fields pop-ups and fell balls.

No third base.

The shortstop.

Now, this guy's really busy.

He backs up second base, third base.

Cover's second base on steals
and grounders on the infield.

And the outfield.

We have right field.

Who backs it?

The first baseman.

Right center field.

And infielder throws from the outfield.

Centerfield backs up left field.

And right field.

And also the second
basement and shortstop.

Left-field backs up third base
and all throws from the outfield.

These positions and
responsibilities ensure.

All areas of the field are covered.

And that there is support
for each player enhancing the

team's overall effectiveness.

Helping them.

To be one.

And then of course we have the umpire.

More commonly known as blue.

As I watched him.

I noted how carefully he must
observe the entire field.

Along with the pitches
and swings at Homebase.

I thought.

The best kind of umpire is an umpire
who's hurting for everyone in the field.

Not just one person.

But everyone.

Harold Douglas Harvey was
born March 13th, 1930.

And died January 13th.

2018.

He was an umpire in major league baseball.

Who worked in the national
league for 30 years.

He was one of the last umpires who
never attended umpiring school.

He umpired five world series
and seven all-star games.

His career total of 4,673 games.

Ranked third in major league baseball
. At the time of his retirement.

In 2010, he became the ninth empire
to be inducted into the hall of fame.

Harvey has been quoted many times.

But my favorite goes like this.

I've heard it said that
umpires are necessary evils.

Well, we are necessary.

But we are not evil.

We are hardworking, dedicated people
whose primary interest is to make

sure the game is played fairly.

We are the integrity of the game.

And quote.

I started thinking about integrity
and the best way to use it.

Because integrity is not evil.

It is necessary.

The relationship between wisdom
and knowledge with integrity

as the bridge is a profound and
multifaceted concept that has intrigued

philosophers for many centuries.

Knowledge and its purest
form is the accumulation of

facts, information and skills.

Acquired through experience or education.

It is the foundation upon which our
understanding of the world is built.

Knowledge can be vast and
expansive encompassing a wide

range of disciplines and subjects.

However knowledge alone is not sufficient
for navigating the complexities of life.

It is wisdom that
provides a guiding light.

Wisdom transcends mere knowledge.

It is the ability to apply knowledge
in a meaningful and discerning way.

Wisdom involves deep understanding.

Sound judgment.

And the capacity to make
choices that align with ethical

principles and the greater good.

While knowledge can be
possessed by anyone.

Wisdom requires a synthesis of
experience, reflection and deep insight.

It is a quality that often comes
with age and introspection though.

It can be found in the young.

Who possess a profound sense
of awareness and empathy.

Integrity serves as the essential
bridge between knowledge and wisdom.

Integrity is the consistency of actions,
values, methods, and principles.

It ensures that the knowledge we
acquire is applied in a manner that

is just in a manner that is honest.

And in a manner that is
aligned with our core values.

Without integrity.

Knowledge can be misused leading to
actions that are harmful or self-serving.

But with integrity.

Knowledge can be transformed into wisdom.

Guiding our actions in a way
that benefits not only ourselves.

But also the world around us.

The synthesis of knowledge and
wisdom and integrity underscores the

importance of holistic development.

It suggests that true enlightenment is
not merely about amassing information.

But about cultivating the
character and moral fortitude.

To use that information wisely.

It invites us to consider
not only what we know.

But also how we live.

And the impact of our
actions on the world.

And this light.

The pursuit of wisdom
is a lifelong journey.

One that is deeply intertwined with
our quest for knowledge . And our

dedication to living with integrity.

It is a journey that challenges us to grow
intellectually, morally and spiritually,

ultimately leading us toward a more
profound understanding of ourselves.

And the universe.

We are in a crisis in this country.

We are past a tipping point.

We all have very particular
roles in our lives.

We all have to be accurate.

Like pitchers.

Sometimes we are the ones waiting.

To be the catchers of ideas.

We all have to face game time
decisions that feel right.

But often go badly.

We're all hardworking folks.

And like Douglas Harvey said.

We must be dedicated.

To insuring this game.

Is played fairly.

We by that, I mean, you and me.

We are the integrity.

What has become obvious to me.

As we are lacking leaders.

With integrity for this game.

This game of life.

And in particular, this very American.

Game of life.

We have a political party.

Living in right field.

We have a political party
living in left-field.

And indeed we have a political party
living in the large area of center field.

Every person within each
of those political party.

As backing up.

Someone from another political party.

All of the time.

Just like in baseball.

How you may ask.

I have a few examples.

We all stop at red lights.

While it is the law.

You don't have to.

But we do that because it is for the
betterment and safety for everyone.

We get on airplanes and trust our pilots.

Flight attendants.

To keep us safe.

Even though they may be an
opposition to our political party.

We all have mail carriers.

Dentists.

Uh, people who clean our streets.

Folks on the subway.

Teachers.

Teachers who teach your children?

Firefighters.

Police officers.

Your accountant.

Your therapist.

All of these people are
very different from you.

For many reasons.

But also including politics.

We back each other up all the time.

You pay your bills, you tip
your server, you pay your taxes.

Y.

To keep us all safe.

Because folks, we are truly
on the same damn team.

We are all humans of
this game of humanity.

And we mustn't forget this.

My son said when he walks
onto the baseball field.

They become one.

Just like the rolls on a baseball field.

We all have very unique.

Very important, very
necessary nuanced roles.

We all have a strike zone at
which we aim to find success.

And that damn strikes zone often
feels complicated and undefinable.

Yeah, something is very important to note.

You and I don't get to leave the ballpark.

This is the game.

This is always the game of our lives.

And what we don't bring
into our consciousness.

Is, this is the very last game.

You're ever going to play.

We need leaders who are acting and
rooting for the integrity of the game.

If we cannot find them, it has to be you.

And it has to be me.

The best kind of leaders are
the leaders who root for the

success and happiness of everyone.

The Buddhist priest.

Named nitron.

Born 1222 and died 1282.

Established the form of Buddhism
embraced by the members of the soca Chi.

Community.

He is often referred to as the great Sage.

A critic of the established
Buddhist schools of his time

and the secular authorities.

He was a person of great warmth and
humanity as evident in the content of the

numerous letters he sent to his followers.

It was this deep concern for
the welfare of ordinary people.

That made him such an
unrelenting opponent.

Of the often turbulent and oppressive
social structures of his time.

And a society rooted and
obedience to authority.

And the children's life was marked.

By hardship and persecution.

His existence was devoted to
disseminating a teaching that aimed to

liberate people from their suffering.

Fostering a society grounded in the
respect for the fundamental dignity

and equality of all individuals.

Life.

According to him is quote.

And elusive reality that transcends
the words and concepts of existence.

And non-existence.

It is neither existence nor existence.

Yet exhibits the qualities of both.

And essence.

He meant life and bodies, the
ultimate harmony of contradictions.

Like the Lotus flower that blooms
Unsullied and muddy waters.

He believed that human beings
possess tremendous potential.

And life conditions.

Close to the Buddha.

This Buddhahood can manifest
in proportion to the depth of

confusion and predicaments.

They face.

He encouraged individuals.

To recognize the inherent
dignity in all life.

Their own and others.

And to let this recognition.

Guide their actions.

Let this recognition.

Be the integrity.

From this perspective.

Pursuing the middle way.

It's not about compromise.

It is about courageously
confronting life's challenges.

Identifying root causes.

And seeking resolution.

It involves summoning the transformative
strength from within to create harmony.

The middle way does not conform to
society's definition of what is normal

or acceptable at any given time.

Instead.

It transcends subjective values.

Aligning with something more fundamental.

Our shared humanity.

Socially and politically.

The middle way.

Can be expressed through a commitment
to uphold the dignity of life

above adherence to any particular
political or economic ideology.

This approach echoes
Gandhi's famous words.

Quote recall the face of the
poorest and the weakest man.

Um, you may have seen.

And ask yourself if the
step you contemplate.

Is going to be.

Of any use to him.

This philosophy envisions that
individuals who consistently strive to

orient their lives and their integrity.

Will inevitably stair society.

Toward a more harmonious coexistence.

he Qaeda articulates that the
middle way is a process of quote.

Living and making one's mark on society.

Well, constantly
interrogating one's actions.

To ensure they align.

With the path of humanity.

What I learned in therapy.

As I may not like what someone believes.

In fact, it may hurt me tremendously.

But I'm going to stay in the middle way.

I'm not going to root
against another human.

I'm going to remember
we're on the same team.

I root for us all.

By embodying, living and breathing.

Integrity.

I'm going to root for
democracy to hold us together.

True democracy does not exist.

Without integrity.

And I'm going to uphold my commitment.

To the dignity of life.

Above adherence to any particular.

Political.

Our economic.

Ideology.

Go be that leader where
you're rooting for everyone.

Because we all back each other up.

All of the time.

I encourage you to become conscious.

Of that reality.

And listen.

We can't fuck around.

We have tremendous knowledge
of how this game of life works.

And it is our duty and our responsibility
to build the bridge ever integrity.

From knowledge to wisdom.

Because we are on the same team.

Chasing the same finish line.

And we have to start building it now.

Of course, I'm not saying
baseball will save us.

Boy, if it would, that
would be incredible.

But it does offer a model.

Of how we can support each other
and how we do support each other.

And if we don't start realizing this,
the game will collapse on us all.

Democracy is on the line.

And I'm not sure baseball will unite us.

If there is another civil war.

And we are at the tipping point.

We have to be realistic.

Uh, civil war will collapse us all.

No one will win.

What can save us?

Is building the bridge.

With conscious intentionality.

From knowledge to wisdom.

With our integrity for us all.

Back at the restaurant with my son.

Sitting there speechless.

I watched the Venn diagram
come together in my mind.

Moved by his youthful wisdom,
rich with remembrances.

That baseball teaches us
profound truths about the world.

About ourselves and each other.

I pulled out my phone
and typed in his quote.

He laughed.

Not understanding the
profundity of his words.

I read them out loud.

He seemed unfazed by his Buddhahood.

He ordered a cheeseburger and we
moved on to talk about his next game.

I listened to closely.

Hungry for more wisdom.

Yeah, it still gave him space to be 19.

And not burden him with my
heartache for this country.

He feels it too.

His love of baseball can not be
shattered by this game of life.

At least not by me.

I hope we can all take
a page from his book.

Let us not lose the love
for this game of life.

Simply because we forgot
we were on the same team.

What a waste of love indeed.

I highly doubt.

Cosmos listening.

He is most certainly on a field somewhere.

Working on that curve ball
that pisses off as opponents.

But what's happening.

When he pisses them off.

As he is helping them to be
better players in the game.

So if we can slow down when
we get pissed off, perhaps.

We can remind ourselves.

That this helps us.

To become better players in
the game to be challenged.

And remember that we are
all on the same damn team.

So go out there.

There's still time.

I build the bridge.

Between your knowledge and
your wisdom with the most

beautiful integrity you can find.

Deep inside of you.

I invite you to step out of the shadows
of the constructs that tell you who you're

supposed to be and keep you small and keep
your mind and your ideas and your empathy.

Small.

Step right in.

To the integrity.

That belongs to you.

It belongs to you.

Before we go, I want to offer
a Metro respect and gratitude

and deep, deep love to my son.

For being such a good teacher for us all.

Kuzma.

I love you to the moon and back.

Thank you for listening.

Now, please.

Please.

Go spray, paint the world.

With your integrity.

And all of your love.